When you think of the villains of Harry Potter Voldemort is the obvious one – along with his band of Death Eaters and the loathsome Dolores Umbridge. But we think that Harry’s very unpleasant uncle, Vernon Dursley, should be up there too. Prejudiced, mean and small-minded, he was a major cause of Harry’s unhappy childhood. And while there is no excuse for his behaviour towards his nephew, we wanted to poke around in that brain of his and see if anything interesting came to light…

We’re sure drills took up some room in his head

Vernon Dursley was the director of Grunnings – a firm that made drills – so its unsurprising that they were often on his mind. Whether he was driving to work thinking about the large order of drills that had been placed or giving a long a boring monologue about them over dinner when Aunt Marge came to visit, these power tools always seemed to put him in a good mood. Well, except for that disastrous dinner party. You know – the one where Uncle Vernon was trying to schmooze with the Masons in the hope that Mr Mason would buy a lot of drills. Instead, there was chaos with a house-elf, magic, a smashed pudding, a swooping owl and no successful sale. But aside from that, we reckon drills were up there as one of Uncle Vernon’s favourite things. We might not understand that passion but each to their own we guess…

Ruminating on the wonders of his perfectly normal family

If there was one thing that Uncle Vernon prided himself on, it was being very normal. His house was neat and square, his career wouldn’t raise eyebrows and his family fitted seamlessly into his narrow view of the world. Dudley was a chip off the old block with his boisterous (what we would call bullying) ways. Petunia was his perfect partner who shared his belief in the importance of keeping up appearances. His sister Marge was just as (if not more) prejudiced than he was. The Dursleys were a perfectly horrid reflection of Vernon and that was just the way he liked things. We imagine he took a great deal of pleasure in thinking up new ways to show off – like sending Dudley to the elite Smeltings school with its fancy uniform and outdated discipline policy or making sure all the neighbours could see his fancy company car. With such a carefully curated image it would be an awful shame to have an unwanted nephew ruin it all…

His hatred of anything ‘abnormal’… including Harry

As we’ve previously mentioned, Uncle Vernon didn’t like stuff that sat outside the teeny tiny boundaries of what he considered normal. He was so stubborn and set in his ways, that anything different was to be feared, judged and avoided at all costs. Magic and his terrible treatment of Harry is an obvious example of this. In Vernon’s mind, Harry was a threat to his perfectly ordered life and had to be hidden away – there’s a reason Harry’s bedroom was a cupboard for so long. Like most people’s prejudices, this fear stemmed from a lack of understanding. Magic was not something that he recognised in his life, so it had to be something that was immoral.

This fear turned into hatred and anger and Harry was often in the firing line. Not only did he shout at Harry and belittle him (like when Harry tried to talk about his dream of a flying motorbike), he also locked him in his room as punishment, left him out of family excursions, didn’t protect him from the insults of his horrid sister and tried to suppress who Harry really was. Knowing that his teenage nephew had the magical ability to blow up his entire life (not to mention his sister) would have only made his rage worse. For a person who tried to pretend magic didn’t exist, Vernon Dursley spent a lot of time worrying about it.

His moustache… probably

Finally, Uncle Vernon was known for his rather large moustache. In fact, it was so prominent that it almost felt like a character in its own right. Whether it was bristling with anger, had egg hanging from it or even when it was being pulled out in clumps by the irate Dursley, it had presence. Understandably, a moustache like that needs maintenance and as someone who liked to keep everything in line, we imagine Vernon dedicated a fair bit of time (and thought) to moustache grooming – especially after the pulling it out in clumps incident.