Bill was – there was no other word for it – cool.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
The job title alone sounded pretty awesome. Not only did Bill have goblins for colleagues – notoriously tricky customers – but he also got to do the majority of his work amid the pyramids of Egypt. He was pretty much the closest the wizarding world had to Indiana Jones.
Obviously we already had Hermione flying the flag for bookworms everywhere, but Bill was a very smart fellow, too. He also seemed a little more cavalier about his intellect than Hermione, who had a Boggart tell her she’d failed all of her exams and literally turned back time to make all of her lessons count.
Meanwhile, Bill has O.W.L.s coming out of his ears and a Head Boy badge under his belt with seemingly no stress whatsoever. No big deal.
Mrs Weasley may have been in a constant battle with her eldest son regarding his aesthetic choices, but when Harry first clapped eyes on Bill’s long ponytail, fanged earring and dragon-hide boots, he deemed that his clothes ‘would not have looked out of place at a rock concert’.
Just imagine, for a moment, being Bill Weasley’s rock concert companion; you’d score so many cool points just by being near him. Imagine the inevitable crowdsurfing.
Only Percy Weasley could discuss the topic of cauldron bottoms with such regularity and still manage to keep a straight face.
Naturally Fred and George can be counted on to relentlessly mock Percy and his stiff-collared approach to his new Ministry job, but it was in fact the eldest Weasley brother we could thank for first mocking Percy’s cauldron bottom report – and he even managed to do so while having a mid-air table battle of epic proportions. Classic Bill.
We all know how annoying it is to be fussed over by your family, and Mrs Weasley’s niggling of Bill for his appearance must have been irksome. That’s if you’re the sort to be irked though, which Bill clearly wasn’t.
During one such conversation with his mother, when Molly protested that Bill’s earring wasn’t appropriate for work, he put paid to her argument with a simple, ‘Mum, no one at the bank gives a damn how I dress as long as I bring home plenty of treasure.’
Bill one, Molly nil.
Though he was Mr Laidback the majority of the time, Bill still knew when it was time to act. When the Death Eaters made an appearance at the Quidditch World Cup, he was immediately ready to aid in opposing them.
In the aftermath, although injured, his arm bleeding ‘profusely,’ Bill’s only concern was if the person who conjured the Dark Mark was caught. That’s our guy.
Some of our toughest cookies have taken the cruel words of Rita Skeeter and her poisonous quill to heart. Hermione, who rarely took notice of what idle gossips said about her, was reduced to tears by Rita’s slander; Hagrid, the man who befriended bloodthirsty beasts of all shapes and sizes, resorted to hiding out in his hut thanks to her unkind words.
But Bill? Please. He brushed aside being branded a ‘long-haired pillock’ with the greatest of ease.
Almost every other guy in the series had fawned haplessly over the beautiful Beauxbatons student and Triwizard champion Fleur Delacour, but the second she saw Bill Weasley, it was game over.
As Fleur was ‘eyeing Bill with great interest’, was he all a dither? Of course not. By playing it far too cool for school, Bill got the girl effortlessly. Well played, Weasley, well played.
When Voldemort returned and everyone was, understandably, going to pieces just a tad, even Dumbledore didn’t seem as brimming with joy as usual.
While Dumbledore enlisted people with their duties, worried about the logistics of getting word to Arthur, Bill cut the Headmaster short with a simple, ‘Leave it to me,’ followed swiftly by a clap of the hand on Harry’s shoulder, a kiss on his mother’s cheek, a swish of his cloak and an admirable striding exit. Now that’s how it’s done.
When Bill was mauled by Fenrir Greyback, he was scarred for life. This would be enough trauma to drastically alter even the strongest of people.
However, while paying visits to the recovering Bill, Harry observed that ‘in personality he seemed just the same as ever. All that appeared to have changed was that he now had a great liking for very rare steaks.’ Fenrir who?