Warning: this article contains spoilers for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.
Do you always have 14 hobbies on the go at once? Were you that kid in exams always asking for more paper? Are you constantly worrying about how to improve upon yourself? First of all, we think you’re doing great, and secondly, we think you’re doing so great, you’d have the potential to take on the top job in the wizarding world.
The wizarding world has had several Ministers for Magic over its long rule, some of them good, some of them so bad that one actually proposed a “Dementor breeding program”. But the ones that succeeded brought great progression to the wizarding community – and we believe that’s exactly what you could do. After all, Hermione Granger was an over-achiever, just like you, and look where she ended up.
This job sounds like it requires a lot of meetings, so if you’re a social butterfly, this could be a role you could really embrace. This is where Percy Weasley started his political career, although the entry-level jobs for this department are more concerned about regulations for cauldron thickness than shaking hands with great wizarding world leaders.
But, if you stuck it out, we imagine this job could take you round the world, involve creating magical laws, and help to unite nations and embrace other wizarding cultures. So, if you put as much passion into the safety of cauldron bottoms as you do when it comes to meeting people, this job could be perfect for you. Eventually.
You’ll know this Ministry of Magic sub-department well, as it’s where our much-treasured Arthur Weasley worked. Ron may call it “the most boring department” but excuse us. Actually, the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts department is sometimes very interesting. Sometimes, it can involve a Muggle teapot that’s gone berserk. Sometimes it gets even crazier, when regurgitating toilets get involved.
Alright, so it’s not as interesting as, say, being an Unspeakable at the Department of Mysteries (more on that in a moment) but it does sound like a good job to get stuck into if you want a job that’s dependable and relatively harmless. Moseying around London and magically fixing regurgitating toilets doesn’t sound all bad, especially if you have a huge family waiting for you at home. You’d get to travel round, see some of the mad ways Muggle artefacts have been tampered with, and be able to improve a lot of confused Muggles’ days. Not that they’d know about it – you have to perform a lot of Memory Charms in this job.
One of the most enigmatic jobs in the Ministry of Magic lies in the Department of Mysteries, where employees are so secretive, they are called Unspeakables.
Although we don’t know much about what the Unspeakables actually do, we learnt about their department during Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, where Harry and his friends learnt about different rooms specialising in different abstract concepts, such as love, death and time. So, if you’re good at keeping secrets, this is the job for you. But be warned: as interesting as this job sounds, it also sounds very dangerous – but maybe that’s more the case when Lord Voldemort suddenly has an interest in your department...
This department specialised in Quidditch, Gobstones and other wizarding world activities. We got to learn a little bit about it during the Quidditch World Cup, where former player, Ludo Bagman, worked during his post-sporting career. We even got a glimpse of its office in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, where the office was described as ‘untidy-looking’ and a wizard was spotted with an armful of brooms.
All in all, this job sounds like a lot of fun for a sports enthusiast and would certainly involve getting tickets to all the big matches. But we imagine, with a dangerous sport like Quidditch to look after, it wouldn’t be all... fun and games.
This department is perhaps most famously known for the fact it is where Aurors work, although it has a series of sub-divisions. It was Harry’s main goal to become an Auror (no surprises after his dealings with Lord Voldemort) which he fulfilled after the events of the Battle of Hogwarts. In his later years, he would go on to become the head of the department.
So, if you want to follow in the footsteps of the Boy Who Lived, defeating the Dark Forces of the wizarding world and helping to attain justice wherever you roam, this is the job to sign up for.
This job requires quick-thinkers and people who don’t get stressed out easily – and the clue is in the title as to why. Jobs within this department include the likes of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad, who help sort out situations such as... inadvertently blowing up your Aunt Marge, for example. Those that are particularly adept at Memory Charms may become professional Obliviators.
Basically, this department is for selfless people who know how to tidy up other peoples’ messes – so you need to be made of strong stuff to work here.
Depending on which section you worked in, you could end up developing the next big mode of magical transport – or maybe you’d just end up fining people for unauthorised Apparition. Either way, we imagine this job would require a bit of travel, just from the sheer nature of it.
Maybe you don’t want to work at the Ministry of Magic? Browse other careers of the wizarding world right here.