This could actually be an arguable choice for best or worst job – but Harry and his peers certainly seemed to think Auror was the coolest gig in the wizarding world.
Understandable, really. To be an Auror sounds like a noble profession, requiring a deep and unfettered knowledge of fighting the Dark Arts, and serving the wizarding community in the bravest way possible. Tonks, an unconventionally young Auror, is one of the coolest characters in the series – that’s the thing about Aurors, it just seems so cool, doesn’t it?
However, when we look at Mad-Eye Moody, all hardened and war-torn with a missing eye and a general paranoid attitude from his many years as an Auror, part of us just wants to do something more mundane... like feed Flobberworms.
Again, you might argue that a Seer has an incredible gift and profession – the rare ability to see into the future and make prophecies! But it also comes with a lot of responsibilities too. Take one of the most famous prophecies we know of: Sybill Trelawney’s prediction about Lord Voldemort being defeated (which was overheard by Snape, then relayed back to Voldemort) shaped the life of Harry Potter forever – marking his parents targets for Voldemort to murder, in order to try and evade Trelawney’s prophecy. Had Voldemort interpreted the prophecy in a different way, he could’ve targeted Neville instead – completely changing his life.
Trelawney’s ‘true’ predictions (because she does seem to wing it most of the time) seem to come to her involuntarily too, which means she can’t control who might hear them or what damage they may cause. Trelawney even notes the negativities of Seers herself, saying they have always been feared and persecuted. We can see why – their prophecies hold enormous weight to whomever hears them, even if they don’t come true.
Muggles have Zoologists while wizards and witches have the magical kind – with one of the most famous examples being Newt Scamander. As you can tell from the name, a Magizoologist cares for magical creatures and studies their various behaviours and habits. Newt even goes so far as to travel the world to find rare specimens, and has created a safe environment in his magically expanded suitcase for them to live in. Although some fantastic beasts are more dangerous than others (Feeding Kelpies doesn’t exactly look easy, for example) the idea of hanging out with Nifflers and Bowtruckles all day just sounds lovely.
You’ve got to feel for Argus Filch. Not only does he have one of the toughest jobs in Hogwarts, (picking up after unruly students, confiscating magical objects, hunting down people trying to sneak around the school after-hours) he also has to do it all without the aid of magic. As a Squib, Filch can’t perform spells himself, but still has the joy of being able to be constantly hounded by Peeves. Being the Hogwarts caretaker, even if you were a witch or wizard, just sounds like an awful lot of hard work – and you also have to be the resident killjoy of the castle. Yes, Filch is unnecessarily cruel sometimes, but we sort of understand why. At least he has Mrs Norris for company – and seemed quite cosy with fellow strict staff member Madam Pince...
To be a Hogwarts professor comes with numerous wonderful perks: an amazing castle to call your home, the stimulating company of other likeminded teachers, and daily opportunities to inspire budding wizards and witches in the classroom.
Not to say a Hogwarts professor is all fun and games (during the Battle of Hogwarts, the teachers turned into soldiers – defending their school from dark forces) but the idea of endless Great Hall feasts, honing magical students, and just generally being constantly immersed in the wonders of Hogwarts sounds pretty special.
Unless you’re Hagrid or Charlie Weasley, does anyone really want to be hanging out with dragons all day? After all, they are hugely dangerous, hugely likely to set fire to you, and... just huge. Charlie Weasley was often spotted sporting quite nasty burns thanks to his role. Yes, yes, dragons may seem like amazing, formidable magical creatures on paper (or parchment, if you prefer) but once again, pass us a Flobberworm over a Hungarian Horntail any day.
There’s a certain kind of artistry that comes with being a wandmaker: each wand is unique to the wizard or witch who carries it, and each wand is made with meticulous care by its maker. Each wandmaker has a different style – while Ollivander favoured phoenix feathers, dragon heartstrings or unicorn hairs for his wand cores, other wandmakers experiment with different cores and different styles. For example, American wandmaker Johannes Jonker styled his wands with mother-of-pearl and the hair of Wampus Cat, while New Orleans-based wandmaker Violetta Beauvais’ wands were rumoured to lend themselves more to Dark magic. Garrick Ollivander is the wandmaker we got to know the best – and manned his old family business with constant interest and curiosity. Seeing a new witch or wizard to take to their wand for the first time must be a proud moment of the profession.
Apparition is a notoriously difficult skill to learn – and doesn’t exactly seem to be for the faint-hearted. The power to transport oneself from one place to another is easily one of the most enviable magical powers wizards and witches have, but it also comes with gory consequences if you do it wrong – called Splinching.
The Hogwarts Apparition Examiner (called Wilkie Twycross, if you forgot him!) seemed like he’d seen it all when he turned up to Harry and co. – after all, the job does sounds endlessly repetitive. Although Twycross seemed quite content in his profession, we personally don’t quite like the idea of watching teenagers maim themselves on a daily basis. Then there’s the fact that because Apparition is such a meticulous thing to get right, you can fail your exam based on the most minor of things (such as leaving behind half an eyebrow, like Ron did) and end up with many very grumpy students holding a grudge.
Whether you’re a Seeker, Beater, Chaser or Keeper, being good at Quidditch just sounds like an elating experience. Harry’s joy when he took to the skies was unprecedented, and every time we read a Quidditch sequence in the book, we were consumed with jealousy. The thrill of playing in an actual match seems even better than just flying – this is football on a whole other level, quite literally. Again, playing Quidditch professionally is not the safest job in the world (the game comes with 700 fouls) but the euphoric feeling of soaring through the air on a state-of-the-art broom surely just can’t be beaten. Of course, maybe if we were hit by a Bludger, we’d feel otherwise.
What would be your dream wizarding world job?