Hermione Granger was as cool as a cucumber. She was a witch who prided herself on being logical. She was a defender of the underdog, loyal to a fault and her lack of giggling and gossipy-ness meant she didn’t fall into any teenage girl clichés. She wasn’t mean, she didn’t talk behind her friends’ backs and she didn’t lust dreamily after every boy she saw.

Step forward, Lavender Brown.

Lavender just did something to Hermione. Granted, the three-way awkwardness that was Ron’s snog-fest with Lavender couldn’t have helped matters, but Lavender was pushing Hermione’s buttons well before that.

Add to that the fact that the Gryffindor girls had to share a room for, like, seven years. SEVEN YEARS. With all that ‘Won-Won’ business going on, it was a wonder Hermione didn’t crack before then.

Let’s take a look back at all the unexpectedly un-Hermione moments provoked by Lavender over the years.

Rabbit-gate

Lavender was a big fan of Divination, which Hermione thought was a load of old codswollop. Lavender was particularly blown away by Professor Trelawney when she was told the ‘thing that she’s been dreading’ would happen on a certain date. On the dreaded Friday in question, Lavender’s pet rabbit, Binky, kicked the bucket, and Lavender inevitably put two and two together to give Professor Trelawney an easy win. However, Hermione wasn’t having any of it.

‘Well, look at it logically,’ said Hermione, turning to the rest of the group. ‘I mean, Binky didn’t even die today, did he, Lavender just got the news today –’ Lavender wailed loudly ‘– and she can’t have been dreading it, because it’s come as a real shock –’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

The You-Know-Who problem

In fourth year, Hermione got annoyed with Lavender for doubting Harry’s account of Voldemort’s return after the Triwizard Tournament. When Lavender said she reckoned Harry was lying, Hermione told her roommate to ‘keep her big fat mouth shut’. Oooh! Scandalous!

Da-Doo-Ron-Ron

But of course what really got Hermione hot under the collar was Lavender’s relationship with Ron. Watching the pair of them, as Ginny delicately put it, ‘thrashing around like a pair of eels all over the place’ led Hermione to extremes. That night in sixth year after Ron’s Quidditch-match success was a case in point. After seeing ‘Won-Won’ and Lavender trying to find a quiet corner together, Hermione sent some cute but sharp-clawed birds to attack him.

Harry spun round to see Hermione pointing her wand at Ron, her expression wild: the little flock of birds was speeding like a hail of fat golden bullets towards Ron, who yelped and covered his face with his hands, but the birds attacked, pecking and clawing at every bit of flesh they could reach.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

What denial?

Hermione may not have been a bleeding heart but she was normally honest and upfront about her feelings, with Harry at least. But where Lavender and ‘Won-Won’ were concerned, Hermione appeared to stuff all emotions inwards, and wouldn’t even admit her distress to her best mate. But try as she might, her real emotions popped up unexpectedly and made her appear most un-Hermione-like.

‘He’s at perfect liberty to kiss whomever he likes,’ said Hermione, while the librarian, Madam Pince, prowled the shelves behind them. ‘I really couldn’t care less.’ She raised her quill and dotted an ‘i’ so ferociously that she punctured a hole in her parchment.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Love’s a game

In jealousy, Hermione decided she needs to fight fire with fire and invited Ron’s Quidditch rival Cormac McLaggen to Slughorn’s party. Quite the extent of her intrigue is apparent from they way she uncharacteristically gossiped with Parvati Patil about her taste in boys. What next, Hermione? Wearing pink on Wednesdays?

‘Oh – yes – didn’t you know?’ said Hermione, with a most un-Hermione-ish giggle.
‘No!’ said Parvati, looking positively agog at this piece of gossip. ‘Wow, you like your Quidditch players, don’t you? First Krum, then McLaggen ...’
‘I like really good Quidditch players,’ Hermione corrected her, still smiling. ‘Well, see you ... got to go and get ready for the party…’
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Success!

We know Hermione and Ron were meant to be together, and taking the increasingly clingy Lavender out of the equation happened during a timely near-death experience on Ron’s part (he was accidentally poisoned by mead intended for Dumbledore). Ron uttered her name in his ailing stupor. Trust Ron to dump someone while unconscious.

In the film, Hermione snapped, ‘He’s been poisoned, you daft dimbo!’ at Lavender when she accused Hermione of only wanting to make up to him ‘now he’s all interesting’. While in the books Hermione might not have gone quite that far, maybe she was secretly saying it in her head.

Tragedy strikes

Boys aside, Lavender and Hermione certainly didn’t hate each other – they were just total opposites. Hermione did her best to step in and save her during the Battle of Hogwarts, when Fenrir Greyback pounced on Lavender after she fell from an overhead balcony. The tragic scene certainly put things into perspective.

Two bodies fell from the balcony overhead as they reached the ground and a grey blur that Harry took for an animal sped four-legged across the hall to sink its teeth into one of the fallen.
‘NO!’ shrieked Hermione, and with a deafening blast from her wand, Fenrir Greyback was thrown backward from the feebly stirring body of Lavender Brown.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows