Published on Oct 16th 2015
  1. Ah, the Dursleys and their drastically opposing amounts of neck.
  2. Is McGonagall not bored sitting on that wall? Or cold?
  3. DUMBLEDORE’S HERE. HE’S HERE.
  4. I wish I had a beard I could tuck into my belt. That’s the dream.
  5. ‘If I could do magic, the handiest thing would be if I could turn out street lamps with a silver cigarette lighter,’ said no one, ever. Oh well, it’s our first glimpse of magic; we’ll take it. And you never know, it might come in handy one day.
  6. Dumbledore has passed several parties and feasts whilst McGonagall has been sat on a wall. Rub it in, Albus.
  7. Dedalus Diggle, now that’s a name and a half. Of course the shooting stars down in Kent were him.
  8. How does nobody on Privet Drive notice a giant motorbike making a great racket? Seriously?
  9. OH HEY, MENTION OF SIRIUS BLACK WE DEFINITELY MISSED THE FIRST TIME.
  10. I wish I could see Dumbledore’s London underground scar/wish I had one myself.
  1. Who leaves a baby on a doorstep all night? At least try the doorbell.
  2. Dumbledore’s eyes just stopped twinkling. That may be the saddest thing I can think of.
  3. Piers Polkiss is here. Does Piers ever speak? Another great name. Everyone loves a bit of alliteration in Harry Potter.
  4. Dudley Dursley, there’s another.
  5. Harry doesn’t seem to find it that weird that the snake is understanding him/pointing at signs with its tail/shaking its head.
  6. The Smeltings uniform is just the best. Where can I get one?
  7. Imagine Dudley and his gang all wearing it though.
  8. OPEN YOUR LETTER, POTTER.
  9. Post should always be in emerald-green ink on yellow parchment. It would make bank statements far less pedestrian.
  10. Hagrid and the Dursley clan. This is priceless.
  1. Harry is shaking hands with everyone in the Leaky Cauldron. I wonder if he is going to meet anyone of note or great relevance…
  2. Of course he does, IT’S DEDALUS DIGGLE!
  3. Oh yeah, and he meets Quirrell here too. Not quite as integral to the plot as Dedalus, but whatever.
  4. If you could get a collapsible cauldron why would you get any other?
  5. The goblin weighing a pile of giant rubies seems like he’s trying too hard. Like Diagon Alley was told Harry was coming and were told to show the place off. Bit like if Ofsted came to visit.
  6. It is a bit off that Hagrid didn’t just tell Harry how to get onto the platform. Would it have been so hard?
  7. Toads seem to me like pretty easy things to lose. Everyone’s all, ‘Oh Neville, you’re so hopeless,’ but seriously, have any of them tried keeping a toad in their sights? Not easy. I got yer back, Longbottom.
  8. Crabbe and Goyle speak so rarely it is actually quite concerning.
  9. Why are the first years made to go in boats across a freezing lake with treacherous beasts residing under the surface, while everyone else cosies up in carriages? Is it some kind of initiation ceremony?
  10. Is there a deeper meaning to ‘Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!’ that we’ve been missing this whole time? Probably not. Pretty definitely just Dumbledore going rogue.
  1. Peeves is just the best. Grabbing noses and shouting GOT YOUR CONK = classic childhood fun!
  2. Would be mega awkward if he tried to play that with Voldemort though...
  3. The Remembrall is hands-down the most pointless object. Sorry, but everyone was thinking it.
  4. Hermione is STILL not their friend yet. I forgot how long it took. Realise her awesomeness already boys, get a clue.
  5. Oh look, there’s that really forbidden corridor with the deadly three-headed dog just behind that door – but don’t worry, the door is obviously locked. And obviously will be impervious to Alohomora…
  6. No. No, it is not.
  7. TROLL IN THE DUNGEON. Oh wait, he doesn’t yell it. It’s actually a bit blink-and-you-miss-it…
  8. ‘Troll bogies’ is not an easy mental image to shake.
  9. Five points each? FIVE! They just literally saved a life. This is outrageous.
  1. Never mind. The trio is officially complete, who cares about points?
  2. Snape really does look pretty darn guilty at the Quidditch match.
  3. Wait a second… Fred and George just threw a snowball at Voldemort’s face. That happened.
  4. Harry and the Mirror of Erised will never cease to be heartbreaking.
  5. ‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.’
  6. HOW COULD YOU LEAVE THE CLOAK ON TOP OF THE TOWER? It was a pretty key part of the ‘Don’t get caught while getting shot of an illegal dragon’ plan!
  7. Priorities here are way off; Harry and Ron save Hermione’s life and defeat a Mountain Troll – ten points to Gryffindor, and it was really only five. They get caught out of bed late at night – 150 points deducted and detention in a Forest filled with potentially deadly creatures, and oh yeah, VOLDEMORT.
  8. Seriously though, how awkward would Quirrell’s showers have been?
  9. And what about bedtime? How would he have to lie to avoid some pillow smothering?
  10. Come to think of it, that would have been such an easy out. SMOTHER HIM.
  11. Except Horcruxes and all that jazz. But he didn’t know about that. SMOTHER HIM.
  1. What’s this, Harry worked out the Hagrid-exchanged-valuable-Fluffy-information-for-a-dragon-egg debacle first? Pull your socks up Granger, bit embarrassing.
  2. Poor Neville just has to lie there all night, fully conscious and unable to move. Bad form gang.
  3. Ron, Hermione just saved your life. Suck it up.
  4. He should play wizard chess more often. Ron really is in his element.
  5. The big turban reveal happens and Harry doesn’t even ask the shower question.
  6. Thinking of Voldemort as just shadow and vapour when in between vessels is just too much for the brain to handle. How does he get around? What is he for the next three years?
  7. Harry and Dumbledore have deep and meaningful chats, part one.
  8. You’d think Dumbledore might keep Harry posted a bit more than these end-of-year chats. You know, since he almost died.
  9. Alas, earwax. That is all.
  10. Hagrid giving Harry the photo album literally gives me all the feels in the world.
  11. I know it’s what we all wanted, but Dumbledore changing the points right at the last minute really is pretty outrageous.
  12. Aren’t the other teachers just like, excuse me?
  13. Who cares, GRYFFINDOR WINS!
  14. And they’re going home for summer! It’s all over too quickly.

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