Of all of Hogwarts’ vast and glorious quirks and mysteries, the Room of Requirement was one of the best. After all, it was a room that could turn into anything you need it to. Anything. Well, it probably couldn’t turn into France – but anything other than that.
‘Dobby knows the perfect place, sir!’ he said happily. ‘Dobby heard tell of it from the other house-elves when he came to Hogwarts, sir. It is known by us as the Come and Go Room, sir, or else as the Room of Requirement!’
‘Why?’ said Harry curiously.
‘Because it is a room that a person can only enter,’ said Dobby seriously, ‘when they have real need of it. Sometimes it is there, and sometimes it is not, but when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker’s needs.’
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
That’s all well and good, but there were so many more things the room could’ve been used for. Harry, as was his way, used it for mostly noble reasons, like forming Dumbledore’s Army and tracking down Horcruxes. But just think of the endless opportunities he missed out on…
Admittedly, this sort of happens during Order of the Phoenix. Harry locks lips with Cho after a D.A. meeting in the room, despite her being in floods of tears, and him making a terrible joke about Nargles. Maybe that’s why she was crying.
But the students of Hogwarts might have missed a trick by not changing this room into an ad hoc romantic getaway: log fire burning, Barry White playing in the background, warm Butterbeer perched within reach…
When Harry and Ginny became an item, they always seemed to be going on ‘long walks by the lake’. Didn’t it get cold out there? Should’ve gone to the Room of Requirement, Harry!
Or The Room of Things We Just Want an Awful Lot. You could argue that an entire room packed with cheese is a (probably quite smelly) daydream, best left to cheesemongers or our deepest-held dreams.
We would argue that cheese is amazing and should definitely fill an entire room.
Sadly, thanks to the five exceptions to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration – which clearly states that food can be summoned but not conjured out of thin air – the cheese room could never happen. Life is cruel.
Life at Hogwarts could be incredibly stressful. You know what isn’t stressful? Water parks. Just think, after the pandemonium that came with a full year at Hogwarts, how great an end-of-year splash-about would be. Chamber of Secrets getting you down? Nothing like a few rounds of water aerobics to cheer you up. Hard time at the Triwizard Tournament? Nothing a good dive bomb couldn’t fix.
This requires no further explanation.
The Hufflepuff common room was the only common room that we didn’t get to see in the books. No fair. What hidden mysteries lay yonder, Hufflepuff? Probably loads of midnight discos and amazing parties, knowing that rowdy lot.
Apart from the Yule Ball, when do Hogwarts students ever get to cut loose? Not often. Surely even with a wealth of magic at their disposal, wizards need to dance too.
This actually happens in the books. Well, in one of Harry’s dreams. Yes, at one point, Harry has a dream about Neville and Professor Sprout waltzing around the Room of Requirement as Professor McGonagall plays the bagpipes. What a coincidence, because we can’t think of anything we’ve ever needed to see more.
If anyone was ever in need of a relaxing spa weekend, it was Harry and his fellows at Hogwarts. Also, if anyone could have done with a massage, a sauna and a couple of cucumbers over his eyes, it was Professor Snape. He would’ve definitely been so much nicer with a few spa sessions under his belt.
In Goblet of Fire, Harry, Ron and Hermione go all the way out of Hogsmeade to a tiny cave in a faraway mountain somewhere to meet up with Sirius. Harry’s godfather-at-large was so ravenous from living rough that he spent the majority of their meet-up rapaciously ripping meat apart like a man outside a chicken shop at four in the morning.
If only Harry could’ve hidden Sirius in the spacious and perfectly hidden Room of Requirement. Surely it would be an excellent hiding place for a wrongfully imprisoned wizard looking for a step up from a cave. What could possibly go wrong?
Between Ron’s dress robes, Luna’s radish earrings, and Dobby’s beloved collection of terrible socks, you’d be forgiven for thinking that Hogwarts was not exactly the fashion capital of the world. This is why the Room of Requirement really needed to become a fully decked-out makeover studio. That’s right. It’s time Crabbe and Goyle released their inner beauty, deep, deep, deep down.